START

You've got the message - you'll be playing different roles in dealing with customers, suppliers, and business people like your bank manager or accountant. But don't let this scare you. You probably play all these roles already in your life without even realising it! And certain aspects of all your relationships cut across every one of these roles.

Meeting people, building relationships, listening, learning - it's all about the basics of getting on with people.

Follow these Top Tips and you'll be on the right track.

You're meeting someone for the first time. Whether it's a formal meeting with a new customer or an informal get-together with the friend of a friend you haven't met before, the first step is to break the ice. Yes, even with a new bank manager when you want to borrow money.

Find some common ground. It could be sport, something you've read in the papers, something you saw on TV. Just something |that gives you both a chance to chat, relax a little, be informal.

If there's formal business to follow, it'll be much easier if you've developed a rapport.

...the 1st step is to break the ice.

Once you've built a new relationship, make it thrive. This takes time and energy. If you've found a useful new supplier, for instance, it's worth giving them a call to have a chat with them, not just because you want something from them. Value a chat with contacts and customers just for the sake of it - it'll help you become closer.

Try to catch them in a good mood and at the right time. So you might have to wait a day or two for the right moment - so what? It's worth a wait to develop a lasting relationship.

"DON'T SPEND ALL YOUR TIME WITH YOUR HEAD IN THE CLOUDS MAKE YOUR DREAM A REALITY."

All too often during conversations, one person talks and - when the other replies - the first person is thinking of what to say next rather than listening. It's no way to understand someone, so don't fall into this trap.

Practice listening properly, whether it's at a business meeting or when you're networking at a social event. Don't interpret what the other person's saying in your terms, don't think about its implications for you and don't judge. Let them know you've heard and understood what they're saying and try to understand how they're feeling. It's difficult at first - most of us don't do it often - but it'll get easier the more you practice.

That's right - engage brain before mouth. Don't just blurt out the first thing that comes into your mind - you could find yourself in an awkward situation wishing you'd never opened your mouth in the first place. Simple, isn't it?

To get to know people better, particularly new contacts during networking, talk about things that really matter to you and encourage them to do the same. Take time to remember things they may have told you in a previous conversation - such as their children's names or their hobbies and interests. Look interested - even if you aren't. The next thing they say might be very interesting indeed. Try to answer with understanding, empathy and support.

At regular points in the conversation, try to restate your understanding of what they've just said. Use their words whenever you can, for example "as I understand you…",
"you're saying that…" using the speaker's most significant words wherever possible. This reassures them that you've got the point.

Try not to fidget or doodle when you're at a business meeting - it makes you look bored or as if you can't wait to get away.

We connect with others not just by sharing thoughts and ideas, beliefs and values, aims and objectives, but also sharing our feelings and our vulnerabilities.

To understand what someone is really saying you need to attend to the feeling as well as the content of their message.

Be alert to what that potential customer isn't saying - very often what's missing is more important than what's actually said. It may be difficult at first, but you'll soon notice the affect it has on the quality of your relationship with someone else.

Never rush to judgement when someone does something with which you don't agree. The hard sell is a good example. Ask yourself why they did it and why they're trying to promote their products or services.

See things from their point of view. Think about their history, limitations and desires. You may not like what they've done or said any better, but you'll be able to deal with it more easily - and them.

We make lots of assumptions about what other people think and feel on the basis of their behaviour and body language. 

But we rarely take the trouble to check out how true or false these assumptions are. We're often wrong - even with people we know well.

Check out what people really feel by asking them how they are feeling.

If you're going to act flexibly, you'll  need to identify when you tend to react inflexibly. The easiest way is to get feedback from others - ask someone you know well to tell you when they think you're reacting in an old, familiar pattern.

Be aware of your personal prejudices and make a conscious effort to stop them influencing your judgement.

Understand and appreciate other people's values, and be sensitive to cultural or ethnic differences.